Stephen Colbert on the election results: “According to Florida law, Charlie Christ will be forced to board a plane and transported to Martha’s Vineyard”

Stephen Colbert went to live with The late show Tuesday to report on the election, take a few swipes at Governor Ron DeSantis and show off some prognostic chickens from the Midterms Projection Coop.

Kicking off at 11:35 p.m. ET (although New Yorkers didn’t join until several minutes later due to Gov. Kathy Hochul’s acceptance speech), Colbert addressed all major races, including the race in the highly publicized Georgia Senate. “It’s so close. This race could be decided by a margin of error plus or minus the secret children of Herschel Walker.

He then gave a nod to winner Chuck Schumer. “In a shock, the Senate race has been called for Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. And out of respect for the political disappearance of his adversary, Schumer will wear his glasses at half mast.

Here’s a sampling of Colbert’s other yucks in his opening monologue:

“Democrat Charlie Christ was defeated by MAGA contender and 2024 hopeful Ron DeSantis. And now, according to Florida law, Charlie Christ will be forced on a plane and transported to Martha’s Vineyard.

“It looks like Republican Marco Rubio has beaten Democratic rising star Val Demings. Demings was shortlisted to be Joe Biden’s running mate while Rubio is shortlisted to be short.

“The Vermont Senate race is over and Democrat Peter Welch is the winner at age 75. Welch is the oldest person ever elected to a first term as a U.S. senator. However, at 75, he will also be one of the youngest members of the Senate.

“In Indiana, incumbent GOP Senator Todd Young won re-election without the endorsement of the 45th president, making him one of the most successful Republicans who has no support from the former president. The least successful: Eric.

“If the Democrats lose the House, Nancy Pelosi will be replaced by Kevin McCarthy, a guy who’s on tape after Jan. 6, calling for the ex-president to be removed from office. But instead, three weeks later , he removed his own balls and hand-delivered them to Mar-a-Lago.

“If McCarthy is elected president, one of the first things on his party’s agenda is to get revenge on the Jan. 6 committee. they plan to subpoena the members of the select committee, in particular Liz Cheney. Hey, GOP, I know you’re feeling confident, but are you sure you want to play with the Cheneys? If you play with Liz, you might wake Dick up. Remember the shotgun in the face? This is how he treats his friends. He slept for a long time, oh, how hungry he is. You won’t hear it coming because it has no heartbeat.

And then came the chickens.

Colbert’s guest for the evening was CBS News anchor John Dickerson.