Sharkcano, the volcano with sharks, erupts

An artistic interpretation of the news.

An artistic interpretation of the news.
Picture: Cloth, Chart: Andrew Paul

It’s been almost four years since the company was last recalled by the SyFy channel. Sharknado the “movie” series was one thing, so you know what that means: time for tired jokes about tired reboots, everyone! Besides, it’s probably time for a tired reboot, if we’re being sullenly honest about the state of popular media.

In that case, TV executives are probably paying attention to the Sharkcano, a very real, very volcanically erupting shark-turned ecosystem. in the southwest Pacific Ocean. Hush. And do you hear that? If you can listen carefully enough, you can hear the distant clack-clack of a team of ghostwriters tinkering with their made-for-TV spec script featuring all the C-listers available and/or in need of a condo mortgage.

Latest Sharkcano news comes from NASA onboard cameras Satellite Landsat 9who recently captured images of the underwater volcano – real name Kavachi – showing the telltale greenish plumes of incredibly hot, acidic water escaping from the mouth of the formation just 63ft below the surface of the ‘ocean.

The Shark Spa otherwise known as Kavachi

Like Smithsonian Magazine note, Kavachi (named after a sea god of the indigenous Gatokae and Vangunu peoples) has erupted almost continuously since at least 1939, but despite its seemingly inhospitable environment, it is home to an incredibly diverse and resilient ecosystem populated by microbial organisms, zooplankton, various reef fish and more than a few species of sharks…hence, you know, the nickname.

“The presence of these animals in such extreme conditions raises new questions centered on the resilience of marine animals to rapid changes in their environment…”, wrote researchers in 2014. “Are these groups more likely to survive human-induced changes in ocean chemistry and periods of increased underwater volcanism on a global scale?”

In other words, less rosy: perhaps the only things that will survive our wanton global destruction are the animals that hide in active underwater volcanoes. If anyone deserved it, it’s him, certainly not the species responsible for Sharknado: the 4th awakening.

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